Finding Calm and Gezelligheid: A Stress-Free Holiday Guide for Expats

For many expats in the Netherlands, the holiday season is emotionally complex. Alongside cozy lights and festive food, there may be homesickness, cultural differences, family tensions across time zones, and a long Dutch winter that limits daylight and energy. Research from psychology and neuroscience shows that holiday stress is not a personal failure—it’s a predictable response to pressure, expectations, and overstimulation.

The good news is that simple, evidence-based practices can help you stay grounded and genuinely enjoy this time of year, even when it looks different from “home.”

1. Set an Intention to Enjoy What Is, Not What Should Be

Psychiatrist Dan Siegel’s research shows that setting a clear intention influences how the brain processes experiences. When you consciously decide to be open to moments of well-being, your brain becomes more receptive to noticing them.

For expats, this matters because:

• Holidays abroad rarely match expectations shaped by family traditions.

• Letting go of “it should feel like home” reduces disappointment.

• Intention helps you notice small moments of warmth—gezellig coffee breaks, winter walks, or kind gestures.

  
  

Research by psychologist Barbara Fredrickson shows that positive emotions create an upward spiral: the more you allow yourself to feel them, the easier it becomes to experience more.

2. Savor the Good Moments—Briefly but Fully

When something pleasant happens, most of us move on too quickly. Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson describes the practice of “taking in the good”: deliberately holding a positive experience in awareness for 15–30 seconds.

Science shows that:

• Savoring strengthens neural connections related to positive memory.

• The brain learns what we repeatedly pay attention to.

Try this as an expat:

• Pause when you feel comfortable or content—even briefly.

• Notice how warmth, calm, or joy feels in your body.

• Let the moment register before moving on.

This is especially helpful during busy or emotionally loaded holidays.

3. Slow Down to Regain Focus

The holiday season often pushes people into constant “doing mode.” Research from Harvard has shown that a wandering, overstimulated mind is strongly linked to unhappiness.

Helpful resets include:

• Taking a few conscious breaths between activities

• Stepping outside for daylight, even in cloudy weather

• Enjoying a quiet tea moment or warm shower

• Gentle movement like walking, yoga, or cycling

In the Netherlands—where winter days are short—intentional slowing down helps regulate stress and restore mental clarity.

4. Practice Gratitude to Strengthen Emotional Resilience

Gratitude is not about denying difficulty; it’s about balancing the mind. Research by Martin Seligman, a founder of positive psychology, shows that reflecting daily on positive experiences significantly reduces depressive symptoms and increases happiness.

Simple ways to practice gratitude as an expat:

• Write down three small good things each evening

• Express appreciation directly to friends, colleagues, or loved ones

• Acknowledge what is working, even if much feels uncertain

Studies also show that expressing gratitude strengthens social connection—something many expats deeply need during the holidays.

5. Practice Generosity (Including Toward Yourself)

Neuroscience research shows that altruistic acts activate the brain’s reward centers—the same systems involved in pleasure and bonding.

Generosity doesn’t have to be dramatic:

• Listening fully to a friend

• Helping a neighbor

• Volunteering locally

• Offering kindness without expecting anything back

Importantly, include yourself. Saying no to overwhelm, resting when needed, and lowering expectations are also acts of generosity.

6. Make Space for Play and Lightness

Play is not just for children. Decades of research show that playful activities support emotional regulation, creativity, and well-being at all ages.

Ideas that work well in the Dutch context:

• Spending time with children or pets

• Singing, dancing, or listening to music

• Trying something new without pressure to “do it right”

• Letting go of productivity for a while

Play helps shift the nervous system out of stress mode and into connection and joy.

A Final Thought for Expats

Research shows that happiness spreads through social networks. When you take care of your own well-being, you indirectly support the well-being of others—friends, partners, colleagues, and even people you barely know.

You don’t need to love every moment of the holidays to do them well. By grounding yourself in intention, presence, gratitude, generosity, and play, you can create a holiday season that feels calmer, more authentic, and more supportive—right where you are.

Different does not mean worse. Sometimes, it means more real.