Mindsets and Children: A New Perspective on Self-Control

In our previous blog, we explored how children develop beliefs about ability—often referred to as mindsets—and how these beliefs influence motivation, persistence, and willingness to take on challenges. Research shows that when children believe abilities can grow with effort, they are more likely to embrace learning and keep trying when things feel difficult.

But mindsets do not only shape how children think about intelligence or talent. They can also influence how children approach everyday challenges, such as waiting, managing frustration, or figuring out what to do when something feels hard.

A recent study by Patricia Chen and colleagues—including Gregory Walton and Carol Dweck—explores another type of mindset that can support children’s development: a strategic mindset.

For international families and teachers at international schools in the Netherlands, this research offers practical insights into how we can help children build self-regulation, patience, and problem-solving skills—abilities that are especially valuable in multicultural learning environments.

What Is a Strategic Mindset?

A strategic mindset means approaching challenges with the question:

“What strategy could help me here?”

Instead of seeing difficulty as a signal to give up—or simply trying to resist temptation—children learn to actively generate strategies that help them manage the situation.

This might include:

• distracting themselves while waiting

• breaking a task into smaller steps

• trying a different way to solve a problem

• finding something useful to do during downtime

In essence, children are learning to think about how they think and act—a skill psychologists call metacognition.

The Study: Teaching Children to Think Strategically

The researchers worked with 237 children aged 5–6 and introduced them to a short storybook designed to encourage strategic thinking.

The story encouraged children to ask themselves questions such as:

• “What can I try to be better at this?”

• “What could help me while I wait?”

• “What strategy might work here?”

After reading the story, the children participated in activities that required delaying gratification—waiting before receiving a reward.

For example, they were asked to:

• wait longer to receive a desirable treat

• wait before watching an appealing YouTube video

These tasks are similar to the famous “marshmallow test,” which examines children’s ability to delay gratification.

What the Researchers Found

The results were clear.

Children who were encouraged to adopt a strategic mindset:

• waited significantly longer for rewards

• came up with more effective strategies while waiting

• used these strategies spontaneously, without being told what to do

For example, children distracted themselves, played quietly, or thought about something else.

In other words, they were not simply exercising willpower—they were actively managing the situation.

This approach differs from earlier research, which often focused on teaching children specific techniques. Instead, this study suggests that helping children learn how to generate strategies themselves may be more powerful.

Why This Matters for Children’s Development

Self-regulation—the ability to manage impulses, emotions, and behavior—is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in childhood and beyond.

Children who develop strong self-regulation skills tend to show:

• better academic outcomes

• stronger social relationships

• improved emotional wellbeing

• greater independence

A strategic mindset supports these skills because it teaches children that when something is difficult, they have options.

Rather than feeling stuck or overwhelmed, children can pause and ask themselves:

“What could help me right now?”

Why This Is Especially Relevant for International Families

Families living internationally often experience unique transitions and challenges.

Children may need to:

• adapt to a new language

• adjust to a different educational system

• build new friendships

• navigate unfamiliar routines and expectations

In the Netherlands, many children attend international schools where classrooms are culturally diverse and learning styles may differ from what families are used to.

These experiences require children to develop flexibility, resilience, and problem-solving skills.

A strategic mindset supports exactly these abilities. It encourages children to approach challenges with curiosity rather than frustration.

For example, when learning Dutch or adapting to a new curriculum, children who think strategically may ask themselves:

• “What could help me understand this?”

• “Should I ask a friend or teacher?”

• “Can I try a different way?”

How Parents Can Encourage a Strategic Mindset at Home

Parents can help nurture strategic thinking in simple everyday moments.

Ask open-ended questions

Instead of immediately solving a problem for your child, try asking:

• “What could you try?”

• “Is there another way to do it?”

• “What might make this easier?”

  
  

These questions encourage children to generate strategies themselves.

Turn waiting into a thinking moment

Waiting happens all the time—before dinner, during travel, or while parents finish a task.

You might say:

“Waiting can be hard. What strategy could you use while we wait?”

Children might decide to:

• draw

• build something

• imagine a game

• tell a story

The key is helping them think of a plan.

Notice and praise strategies

When children come up with helpful approaches, acknowledge them:

• “That was a clever strategy.”

• “You found a good way to solve that.”

This reinforces the value of strategic thinking, not just the final result.

Model strategy use yourself

Children learn a great deal from observing adults.

You might say things like:

• “I have a long wait at the doctor. I’ll bring a book.”

• “This problem is tricky—I’m going to try a different approach.”

This demonstrates that strategy use is a normal part of handling challenges.

Supporting Strategic Thinking in Schools

Teachers in international schools can also support strategic mindsets in the classroom.

Small shifts in language can make a difference.

For example:

• encouraging students to brainstorm multiple strategies

• asking reflective questions after tasks

• highlighting the strategies students used, not just correct answers

Classroom cultures that value process, experimentation, and reflection help children develop lifelong learning skills.

A Small Shift With Big Impact

Teaching children strategies is helpful—but teaching them how to think strategically may be even more powerful.

When children learn to pause and ask themselves:

“What could I try?”

they gain a tool they can use in many situations:

• managing frustration

• approaching difficult schoolwork

• waiting patiently

• solving social problems

For children growing up in international environments, where adaptability is key, this mindset can support both academic learning and everyday resilience.

Research continues to show that the way children think about challenges matters just as much as the challenges themselves.

By encouraging strategic thinking, parents and educators can help children develop the confidence and skills to navigate difficult moments—both in school and in life.

And sometimes, all it takes to start is one simple question:

“What strategy could help here?”