The Protective Power of Parental Emotion Coaching

What international families in the Netherlands can learn from new research on ADHD and emotion regulation

Raising a child with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be deeply rewarding—but also emotionally demanding. Many parents notice that beyond attention or hyperactivity challenges, their child struggles with “big feelings”: frustration that escalates quickly, difficulty calming down, or emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation.

A recent 2025 study by Gershy, Schorr-Sapir, Krinsky, and Ne’eman-Ishay sheds light on an important protective factor: how parents help regulate their child’s emotions during everyday interactions. Their findings offer valuable insights for international families living in the Netherlands, who may be navigating ADHD support across languages, cultures, and school systems.

ADHD and Emotion Regulation: More Than Behavior

ADHD is often discussed in terms of focus, impulsivity, and activity levels. Yet research increasingly shows that emotion regulation is a core challenge for many children with ADHD.

Children may:

• Become overwhelmed quickly in conflicts

• Struggle to verbalize feelings

• React intensely to perceived criticism

• Have difficulty calming down once upset

For internationally mobile families, these challenges can be amplified by:

• Adjusting to a new culture or school system

• Language barriers in expressing emotions

• Social integration stress

• Differences in parenting norms

Understanding how parents can actively support emotional regulation is therefore essential.

What Is Interpersonal Emotion Regulation (IER)?

The study focused on parental interpersonal emotion regulation (IER)—in simple terms, how parents try to influence, guide, or soothe their child’s emotions during interactions.

Think of IER as emotion coaching in action.

Researchers observed families during a structured conflict discussion and categorized parental responses into three types:

1. Nonsupportive Strategies

Examples include:

• Dismissing feelings (“You’re overreacting.”)

• Criticizing emotional expression

• Escalating the conflict

These approaches often increase dysregulation.

2. Emotion-Focused Strategies

These center on validating and soothing emotions:

• Naming feelings (“I see you’re frustrated.”)

• Showing empathy

• Offering comfort

3. Solution-Focused Strategies

These help move toward problem-solving:

• Brainstorming solutions together

• Setting collaborative plans

• Encouraging coping strategies

Both emotion-focused and solution-focused approaches are considered supportive IER strategies.

Key Findings from the Study

The researchers worked with 58 Israeli two-parent families of children diagnosed with ADHD (average age ~9 years). They measured children’s emotional dysregulation before and during the conflict interaction.

Here’s what they found:

Supportive strategies reduce dysregulation

When parents used emotion-focused or solution-focused responses, children showed lower emotional dysregulation in the moment—even during conflict.

Support buffers emotional vulnerability

Supportive parental responses moderated the link between a child’s baseline emotional difficulties and their real-time reactions.

In other words:

Even children who generally struggle with emotions coped better when parents responded supportively.

Mothers intervened more often—but fathers mattered too

Mothers made more IER attempts overall. However, the protective effect applied to both parents.

This highlights the importance of shared emotional caregiving.

Why This Matters for International Families in the Netherlands

Living abroad can shape family emotional dynamics in subtle ways.

Cultural parenting differences

Many international parents juggle multiple cultural expectations:

• Direct vs. indirect communication styles

• Different norms around emotional expression

• Varied views on discipline vs. validation

Supportive IER requires intentional alignment between caregivers.

School collaboration

Dutch schools often emphasize:

• Socio-emotional learning

• Child autonomy

• Collaborative problem-solving

Parents who use emotion-focused and solution-focused strategies at home reinforce what children experience in school settings.

Expat stress and emotional spillover

Relocation stress affects the whole family:

• Parents may feel stretched or isolated

• Children may externalize adjustment stress

• Emotional bandwidth can shrink

Understanding IER helps parents stay effective even under pressure.

Practical Ways to Use Supportive IER at Home

Here are research-informed strategies you can begin using immediately.

1. Start with Emotional Validation

Before solving the problem, acknowledge the feeling.

Try:

• “I can see this feels unfair.”

• “You’re really disappointed right now.”

Validation does not mean agreeing—it means recognizing the emotional experience.

Why it works:

Children calm down faster when they feel understood.

2. Regulate First, Reason Later

In moments of escalation, logic rarely works.

Focus first on:

• Tone of voice

• Body language

• Physical proximity

• Breathing together

Once calm returns, problem-solving becomes possible.

3. Use Collaborative Problem-Solving

Invite your child into solutions.

Examples:

• “What do you think would help next time?”

• “Let’s think of two ideas together.”

This builds executive functioning and emotional agency—areas often delayed in ADHD.

4. Name Coping Strategies Explicitly

Children with ADHD benefit from concrete emotional tools:

• Taking a break

• Movement (jumping jacks, walking)

• Sensory resets

• Drawing feelings

When parents suggest and model these, children internalize them over time.

5. Align as Co-Parents

Since both maternal and paternal IER matter:

• Discuss emotional response styles together

• Agree on key phrases or approaches

• Avoid “good cop / bad cop” dynamics

Consistency increases emotional safety.

Common Pitfalls to Watch For

Even well-intentioned parents can slip into nonsupportive IER under stress.

Minimizing feelings

“It's not a big deal.”→ Feels invalidating to the child.

Jumping to solutions too fast

“Just ignore them.”→ Skips emotional processing.

Escalating emotionally

Raised voices increase dysregulation.

Over-accommodating

Supportive IER is not permissiveness. Boundaries still matter.

The balance: Validate feelings + guide behavior.

Long-Term Impact of Supportive Emotion Regulation

Supportive parental IER does more than defuse daily conflicts.

Research links it to:

• Improved emotional resilience

• Better peer relationships

• Reduced anxiety and depression risk

• Stronger parent-child attachment

• Enhanced self-regulation skills

For children navigating ADHD and international transitions, this protective layer is especially valuable.

When to Seek Professional Support

If emotional dysregulation regularly disrupts family life, professional guidance can help.

Consider support if you notice:

• Frequent explosive conflicts

• School emotional difficulties

• Social rejection

• Parent burnout

• Sibling impact

Family-based ADHD interventions increasingly include parent emotion-coaching training, reflecting the very findings highlighted in this study.

Final Thoughts

This new research reinforces a hopeful message:

Parents are powerful emotional regulators in their child’s world.

While ADHD has strong neurodevelopmental roots, daily relational experiences shape how children learn to manage feelings.

For international families in the Netherlands—balancing cultures, systems, and transitions—intentional emotion coaching can serve as a stabilizing anchor.

By combining empathy with stru

cture, validation with guidance, parents create the conditions in which children with ADHD can not only cope—but thrive.

Baumgarten Child Psychology and More supports international families across the Netherlands with culturally sensitive, evidence-based care for ADHD, emotional development, and family wellbeing.

Reference

Gershy, N., Schorr-Sapir, I., Krinsky, N., & Ne’eman-Ishay, H. (2025). The protective role of parental interpersonal emotion regulation among Israeli families of children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Family Psychology, 39(5), 687–699. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001330