Turning stress into strength

Life as a parent can feel like a rollercoaster—full of ups and downs, surprises, and stress. Sometimes it feels like the negative moments outweigh the positive, whether it’s dealing with a tantrum, juggling work and family, or handling unexpected challenges. But what if there was a way to feel better about the tough times?

A new study by Waugh, Schieber, and Zhao (2025) explores how making positive appraisals—finding something good or meaningful in a stressful situation—can actually help us feel better, even when life feels overwhelmingly hard.

Finding the Good in the Bad

The idea might sound unrealistic at first. How can we possibly put a positive spin on a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store or a week packed with deadlines and sick kids? But the study shows that it’s not about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about looking for small silver linings or lessons within the mess.

For example:

- Building Patience:

Handling a child’s tantrum might teach you more about what triggers their emotions, helping you prevent future outbursts.

- Strengthening Bonds:

Comforting a child through a hard day reminds them that you’re their safe place, even when life feels chaotic.

- Personal Growth:

Balancing work and family builds resilience and creativity as you find new ways to make it all work.

Why Positive Thinking Matters

The study found that seeing even a tiny positive aspect in a stressful situation can actually reduce feelings of anxiety and frustration. This doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions or dismissing how hard things are—it means allowing yourself to notice the small wins or moments of growth.

Research has long shown that positive emotions can coexist with negative ones. You might feel exhausted from a sleepless night but also proud of how you handled a tough situation. Allowing room for both feelings can make stress feel more manageable and help you bounce back faster.

How to Practice Positive Appraisals

Here are a few simple ways to start seeing the good when life feels hard:

1. Name the Lesson:

After a challenging moment, ask yourself, “What did I learn from this?”

2. Celebrate Small Wins:

Notice even the tiniest success, like making it through bedtime without an argument.

3. Share with Your Kids:

Teach them to look for silver linings too. If a rainy day ruins outdoor plans, talk about how it’s a great time to build a fort indoors.

4. Give Yourself Grace:

Remember that finding positives doesn’t mean ignoring your struggles. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed while still looking for growth.

Why It Works

When you reframe a tough situation to find something positive, you’re training your brain to cope more effectively. Over time, this makes stress feel less overwhelming and builds emotional strength.

Parenting is never easy, but embracing a mindset that seeks out the silver lining can help you feel a little more in control—even when life feels out of your hands. Try it out, and see how finding the good in the bad can make a difference for you and your family.