Why Boys Struggle to Talk About Feelings — and How Parents Can Help

Understanding the Challenge

From an early age, boys across cultures receive messages—spoken and unspoken—about what it means to be “a boy.” Phrases like “boys don’t cry”or “toughen up” may seem harmless in the moment, but they create a lasting emotional script. This socialization teaches boys that strength is equated with silence and that vulnerability is something to hide.

Over time, these beliefs can make it difficult for boys to talk about emotions, even when they want to. They may feel sadness but express anger, or they may retreat rather than reach out for help. Emotional suppression doesn’t make feelings disappear—it only drives them underground.

The Cost of Emotional Suppression

Research consistently shows that boys and men who are socialized to avoid emotional expression face higher risks for anxiety, depression, and aggression. When emotions are not talked about, they can surface in other ways: irritability, defiance, or even physical symptoms like headaches or stomach pain.

This isn’t just an individual problem—it’s a public health concern. Emotional suppression limits empathy, increases loneliness, and contributes to challenges in relationships and mental well-being later in life. Boys who learn that emotional expression is “unmanly” are also less likely to seek help when they’re struggling.

For internationally minded families, there’s an

added layer of complexity. Cultural expectations about masculinity differ across societies. Some cultures encourage emotional openness, while others reward stoicism. Boys who move between these worlds—such as international or third-culture children—may experience confusion or feel torn between conflicting norms.

How Parents Can Help

The good news is that parents play a powerful role in shaping how boys learn to understand and express their emotions. By modeling openness, building emotional vocabulary, and challenging stereotypes, families can nurture emotionally confident boys.

1. Build Emotional Literacy

Emotional literacy is the ability to recognize, name, and manage feelings. Boys often have fewer opportunities to develop this skill, so parents can help by:

• Naming emotions: When your son seems upset, try saying, “It looks like you’re feeling disappointed” or “You seem nervous.”

• Expanding vocabulary: Move beyond “mad” or “sad.” Introduce words like frustrated, proud, embarrassed, or hopeful.

• Normalizing all feelings: Reinforce that every emotion—pleasant or not—is valid and part of being human.

When boys can identify what they feel, they’re better able to regulate it.

2. Model Emotional Openness

Children learn by imitation. When parents share their own emotions in healthy ways, they teach that vulnerability is normal, not weak. Try:

• Saying, “I felt anxious before that meeting, but taking a deep breath helped.”

• Admitting mistakes and talking about how you handled frustration.

• Making family time a safe space for emotional conversation—perhaps at dinner or during a walk.

International families can also highlight that emotional expression looks different across cultures and that it’s okay to choose openness, even if local norms suggest otherwise.

3. Challenge the Stigma Around Vulnerability

Help your son unlearn the idea that emotions are something to hide.

• Avoid phrases like “man up” or “stop crying like a girl.”

• Praise courage in emotional honesty: “It takes strength to talk about your feelings.”

• Encourage seeking help—from parents, teachers, or counselors—when things feel overwhelming.

When families and communities make it safe for boys to show emotion, they are protecting boys’ long-term mental health.

4. Create Space for Emotional Conversations

Boys may not always want to talk when parents expect them to. Look for low-pressure opportunities—like while driving, playing a sport, or cooking together. Sometimes, side-by-side activities make sharing easier than direct eye contact.

If you notice ongoing withdrawal, aggression, or physical complaints, consider consulting a child psychologist. These behaviors can sometimes signal emotional distress that’s hard for boys to express.

The Global Perspective

In multicultural or international settings, it’s especially important to be aware of the emotional “rules” your child is learning from various environments—school, media, peers, and different cultures. Discuss how those norms differ and what your family values at home.

For example:

• “In some places people think crying isn’t okay for boys, but in our family, we believe expressing feelings makes you stronger.”

• “Different cultures have different ways of showing emotions. You can decide what feels right for you.”

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By helping boys navigate these mixed messages, parents support healthy identity development and emotional flexibility—skills that will serve them across countries, cultures, and relationships.

Final Thoughts

Boys’ emotional health depends on more than just managing feelings—it’s about creating environments where emotions are allowed, expressed, and understood. When parents model openness and empathy, they help dismantle outdated ideas of masculinity that keep boys silent.

Raising emotionally literate boys isn’t about changing who they are—it’s about freeing them to be their whole selves. Whether at home, at school, or across cultures, every boy deserves the chance to say, “This is how I feel.”

References

Ahmmed, B., & Khan, A. (2025). Key Factors Contributing to Emotional Suppression in Male Adolescents. Journal of Adolescent and Youth Psychology Studies.

Chaplin, T. M., & Aldao, A. (2013). Gender Differences in Emotion Expression in Children: A Meta-Analytic Review. Psychological Bulletin.

Preece, D. L., et al. (2025). Internalizing Symptoms in Men: The Role of Masculine Norms, Alexithymia and Emotion Regulation. Sex Roles, Springer.

Schmidt, M., & Hansson, E. (2024). Adolescent Boys’ Experiences of Stress: A Focus Group Study. BMC Psychology.

Smith, A., & Thompson, R. (2020). Masculinity Discrepancy Stress and Emotional Dysregulation in Young Men. Journal of Behavioral Health.

Greater Good Science Center (2023). Why We Should Help Boys Embrace All Their Feelings. University of California, Berkeley.

World Health Organization (2022). Mental Health and Gender: Addressing Disparities Across Cultures.