How a Simple Conversation Can Make Kids More Honest

If you’ve ever caught a preschooler with cookie crumbs on their face denying they’ve been anywhere near the cookie jar, you know honesty is a skill that takes time to develop. But what if preventing those fibs was as simple as… talking about feelings?

A new study in Developmental Psychology (Zhao, Yan, Harris, & Lee, 2025) suggests exactly that. Researchers found that telling young children how a trusted adult would feel about their honesty or dishonesty can make them less likely to cheat—sometimes significantly so.

The Sneaky Honesty Test

The team ran five preregistered experiments with 480 middle-class Han Chinese children aged 3–6. The setup looked like a knowledge quiz, but it was secretly a test of temptation: children were asked tough questions they couldn’t answer without peeking, and the adult left the room—giving them the perfect opportunity to cheat.

The twist? Before the test, some kids were told about how a familiar adult—either their mother or homeroom teacher—would feel if they were honest or dishonest.

The Emotional Nudges

For 5- to 6-year-olds, the most effective message was hearing that a familiar adult would feel unhappy if they cheated.For 3- to 4-year-olds, honesty got a boost not just from warnings about unhappiness, but also from hearing that their mother would be happy if they told the truth.

Across age groups, these simple emotional cues worked whether the familiar adult was a parent or a teacher.

Why It Works

The researchers point out that young children are still figuring out the “why” behind moral rules. Linking behavior to the emotional reactions of someone they care about—and whose opinion they value—gives them a clear, personal reason to choose honesty.

This isn’t about fear of punishment; it’s about empathy and relationships. If a child imagines Mom’s disappointed face or their teacher’s smile, that image may tip the scales toward doing the right thing.

What This Means for Parents and Teachers

You don’t need a complex lecture on morality to encourage honesty in young kids. Instead, you can:

• Name the behavior (“If you tell the truth…”).

• Name the feeling (“…I’ll feel proud and happy” or “…I’d feel sad if you lied”).

• Connect it to the relationship (“Because I trust you and that’s important to me”).

This approach is flexible, works in everyday life, and—according to this research—can be effective in as little as one conversation.

The Bigger Lesson

Honesty doesn’t grow in a vacuum. It’s cultivated through relationships, empathy, and consistent cues about what matters to the people children trust. By linking truth-telling to emotional connection, we’re not just preventing cheating—we’re helping children see morality as part of caring for others.

So the next time you want to encourage honesty, you might not need a lecture… just a heartfelt, “It would make me so happy if you told me the truth.”

Here's a short parent cheat sheet:

1️⃣ Talk About Feelings, Not Just Rules

Instead of only saying “Don’t lie” or “It’s wrong to cheat,” connect the behavior to how you (or another trusted adult) would feel.

• For 3–4-year-olds:

  • “If you tell me the truth, I’ll feel so happy.”

  • “If you lied, I’d feel sad.”

• For 5–6-year-olds:

  • “If you cheat, your teacher/mom/dad would feel unhappy.”

  • (They respond more to warnings about negative feelings at this age.)

2️⃣ Use Familiar People as Examples

The feelings need to come from someone the child knows and trusts—like a parent, teacher, or close caregiver.

• “Your teacher would be proud if you were honest.”

• “Dad would be disappointed if you weren’t truthful.”

3️⃣ Make It Personal and Specific

Tie the feeling to your relationship with the child.

• “It would make me happy because I trust you.”

• “If you told me the truth, I’d feel proud because it shows you care about doing the right thing.”

💡 Why It Works:

Kids care deeply about the emotions of the people they’re bonded to. Imagining your disappointment—or your happiness—gives them a clear, personal reason to choose honesty, even when tempted.

Pro Tip: 

You don’t have to wait for a “teachable moment.” Mention these feelings during stories, games, or everyday situations so the link between honesty and emotional connection is reinforced before temptation strikes.