Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys in a New Country

Moving to a new country is a big adventure—full of opportunity, change, and growth. For international families settling in the Netherlands, the transition can bring exciting experiences: cycling to school, learning Dutch phrases, discovering canals and stroopwafels.

But relocation also comes with challenges. Cultural differences, language barriers, unfamiliar school systems, and temporary social isolation can create emotional stress—for parents and children.

For boys, who are often encouraged to appear confident and independent, these pressures may be harder to express. Research shows that expat and international children can experience higher emotional strain during transitions, including anxiety, loneliness, and identity confusion.

And while many boys are resilient, resilience isn’t automatic—it is supported through understanding, connection, and emotional skill-building.

Let’s explore how families can help boys not only adjust, but thrive emotionally in their new Dutch environment.

Why Moving Abroad Is Unique for Boys

International moves can affect boys in specific ways:

✅ Loss of familiar routines and friends

✅ Navigating new social rules and language

✅ Pressure to “be strong” or “fit in quickly”

✅ Identity shifts in multicultural settings

The Dutch emphasis on direct communication, group inclusion, and independence can be wonderful—but may feel unfamiliar at first. Boys who internalise feelings might struggle silently while trying to “be brave” or maintain confidence.

Supporting boys through this transition doesn’t mean shielding them—it means giving them emotional tools to build strong roots in a new culture.

Signs a Boy Might Be Struggling Emotionally After a Move

While many boys adapt well, some may show stress through:

• Withdrawal or avoidance of new social situations

• Irritability, anger, or frustration

• Complaints about school or Dutch lessons

• Sleep changes or stomach aches

• Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed

These are not signs of weakness—they are signals for support.

How to Support Boys Emotionally in a New Country

1. Talk About Feelings, Not Just Experiences

Instead of only asking, “How was school?” 

try:

💬 “What was something that felt easy today? What was difficult?”

💬 “Did you feel confused, excited, or frustrated at any point?”

Naming emotions helps boys understand and manage them.

2. Create Connection and Community

International families often feel isolated at first.

Ways to help boys feel grounded:

• Join local sports teams or clubs

• Attend neighbourhood or school events

• Connect with international and Dutch families

• Encourage playdates and language exposure

Belonging builds confidence.

3. Keep Familiar Routines and Traditions

Maintaining family rituals—even small ones—provides emotional safety:

• Weekly family meals

• Home language conversations

• Cultural holidays and foods

• Bedtime routines

Stability helps boys adapt to new environments more smoothly.

4. Praise Effort and Adjustment, Not Just Success

Moving abroad is hard work. Recognise it:

💬 “You were brave going to practice today even though you didn’t know everyone.”

Focusing on effort and courage reduces pressure to “fit in perfectly.”

5. Teach Cultural Curiosity

Instead of framing differences as right/wrong, encourage curiosity:

• “Isn’t it interesting how Dutch kids bike everywhere?”

• “What surprised you about school today?”

• “What do you like about the way things are done here?”

Curiosity builds flexibility and resilience.

6. Model Vulnerability and Growth

Children follow our emotional lead.

You can say:

💬 “I also miss home sometimes. New places take time to feel comfortable.”

💬 “I’m still learning Dutch too—and mistakes are okay.”

When boys see adults manage uncertainty with openness, they learn to do the same.

The Gift of Growing Up in a Multicultural World

Raising boys in the Netherlands offers a unique gift: exposure to diverse cultures, worldviews, and social skills.

With emotional support, boys gain:

• Global awareness

• Adaptability

• Compassion for others

• Confidence in navigating change

These are strengths that last a lifetime.

Further Reading & References

Research

Anderson, L., et al. (2020). Well-being of expatriate children: Adjustment, identity, and resilience. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology.

Hjern, A., et al. (2018). Mental health among children with migration background. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

TCK Research Lab (Pollock & Van Reken, ongoing). Studies on third-culture kids and mobility stress.

Van Oort, F., et al. (2021). School belonging and psychological wellbeing among migrant youth in Europe. Child & Adolescent Mental Health.

Walper, S., et al. (2022). Adjustment processes in internationally mobile families. Developmental Psychology.

Parent-Friendly Resources

Pollock, D., Van Reken, R. Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds

Expatica NL – Parenting & education resources

Nuffic: Dutch education information for international parents – https://www.nuffic.nl

Support & Community Links in the Netherlands

ACCESS: Support for expat families – https://access-nl.org

International Parent Groups (IPG) Netherlands

Dutch Youth Institute (NJi) – https://www.nji.nl

If your family is navigating emotional transitions, identity changes, or school adaptation in the Netherlands, we are here to support you.